Is this still my dream?
I heard a patient say: “After a holiday back home—seeing my nephews grow, watching my parents age, and sharing those deeply bittersweet moments with lifelong friends—a thought kept looping in the back of my mind: ‘Is it really worth it? Being here, in this country across the sea, alone with my winter clothes?’”
It’s a thought that many of us try to pack away. After all, when we first moved, our reasons were so loud, a craving for change, or the pursuit of a dream that felt bigger than anything we could achieve at home.
But then, life happens. We get tangled up in the logistics of existing in a foreign land. We spend our energy on residency renewals, learning the unspoken rules of a new office, or simply trying to figure out which brand of flour makes the bread taste more like home.
Slowly, the original spark starts to fade, and in its place, a quiet doubt appears: Is it really worth it?
Getting Stuck in the Thicket
When we lose our initial “Why?”, it isn’t usually a conscious choice. It happens because we get stuck: stuck in the daily struggle of navigating a life that isn’t always kind to us, or stuck in the heavy gravity of our own wishes.
Sometimes, we are so focused on what we wish our life looked like, perhaps wishing we were back home for every ordinary Sunday, that we lose sight of the life we actually have. Or even more confusingly, we get stuck in the lack of wishes. We reach a point where we feel so depleted by the effort of being an immigrant that we stop wanting anything at all. The “Why” disappears because we’ve spent all our emotional currency just trying to stay afloat.
The ACT Perspective: Dropping the Rope
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we often look at this internal struggle as a literal tug-of-war. On one side of the rope is the pain: the “winter clothes,” the guilt of being away, and the aging parents. On the other side is us, pulling with all our might, trying to prove we made the right choice or trying to force ourselves to feel “settled.”
Dropping the rope is an invitation to leave the game. It doesn’t mean the conflict isn’t important, but chances are, the battle itself is what’s making you spiral. It is an invitation to value those feelings and detach from the struggle while you are still understanding what is right for you.
Living in the In-Between
Living with a doubt as big as “Should I move back?” is incredibly draining. It feels like your life is on hold, suspended between two versions of yourself. We often think we need to resolve the doubt before we can start living again, but the truth is that big decisions usually take time to ripen.
In the meantime, you are still here.
Choosing to prioritize a life worth living doesn’t mean you’ve decided to stay forever. It just means that while you are navigating this uncertainty, you refuse to let your days be swallowed by the “what ifs.” You can carry the doubt in one hand and still reach for the sweetness of the present with the other. You can be undecided about your future and still be committed to your afternoon.
We don’t need all the answers to choose a meaningful path today. Sometimes, the most courageous thing you can do is let the question rest for a moment and simply choose to be where your feet are.